How to Manage Anger at Work: Anger as a Secondary Emotion
Photo by Elisa Ventur on Unsplash
To some degree, feeling anger or frustration at work is normal. However, when this anger and frustration is continuous and starts to affect your career and erode your work relationships… you need to address it. When it comes to an emotion such as anger, there is a difference between managing and resolving it. Management is a short-term solution that deals with the anger itself. Resolving anger is deeper and requires more introspection, but will help you get to the root of your frustration.
The Effects of Anger in the Workplace
Anger is harmful to you and the people around you. Anger increases our stress levels which is dangerous for our mental and physical health, and can cause great anxiety and fear in our peers. People may be less open to communicating with you: they will hesitate to share important updates, invite you to social gatherings, or ask for help when they need it. Unmanaged anger has the potential to seriously isolate you from your peers.
Strategies to Manage Anger at Work
When we feel angry, the one thing we want to avoid is an outburst of verbal or physical anger. If you’re at work and you find yourself getting angry or frustrated, here are a few things you can do:
Walk Away From the Situation
If possible, walk away from the situation for a few minutes to calm down. Staying in that situation or headspace can make it worse by possibly adding to the trigger, which is more likely to end in an explosive reaction. Get up and move your body by taking a walk - go get a drink of water or something to eat. Once you’ve calmed down, you will be able to address whatever was upsetting you more calmly.
Deep Breathing
Do not underestimate the power of breathwork - studies show that breathwork can be used to alleviate stress responses such as anger and anxiety. Sit up, close your eyes, and take a deep breath in. Hold that breath for a few seconds and then slowly breathe out. By sitting up you are opening up your chest, allowing more space for your lungs to expand. Closing your eyes reduces visual stimuli and distractions, making it easier for you to focus on your breathing. You can also visualize instead: all of your anger in the breath that you are holding and imagine it leaving your body as you exhale. Repeat this until you feel calmer.
Tear Paper
For some people, anger creates a strong urge to physically lash out. This can be dangerous for the people around you, but sometimes it is more dangerous just for the things around you. Your keyboard, desk, cellphone, and stationary may all be at risk. Something you can try is to keep a stack of paper at your desk that you won’t need - scrap paper, misprints, newspaper, flyers etc. and rip them when you feel angry. The smaller pieces the better. And as the pieces of paper get smaller, hopefully so does the angry feeling. This is more of a de-escalation method that should be followed up with a breathing exercise.
Talk to Someone
Whether it’s a professional, a friend, or a colleague who is willing to listen is your choice. Talking about your anger and what’s making you feel triggered is a great way to help you become more present with your feelings and calm down. Speaking feelings out loud reduces their internal intensity. Please make sure that if you’re choosing to speak to someone who is not a professional that they are in the correct mindset to listen and will keep your sharing confidential.
Take Time Off
If the anger you are feeling is continuous but seems to be pretty confined to your work, it may be that you need to take a break. Stress and burnout can manifest as anger among other things, and you might find that a much-needed break is in order. If nothing else, taking some time off will give you time to re-evaluate your relationship with your job and everything related to it. Coming back with a fresh set of eyes may make you better at finding your trigger and a solution to it (which might even be to find a different place to work).
Anger as a Secondary Emotion
Anger is just the tip of the iceberg. Something is making you angry, and that something might go deeper than you originally imagined. We can address our anger, but if we don’t address the primary emotion behind it, the anger will keep coming back.
It can be difficult to experience and accept emotions that make us extremely vulnerable: guilt, shame, and embarrassment are all examples of these emotions. If you don’t dig deeper into these emotions (and mostly likely very specific experiences and memories), you may just end up like the Titanic.
Work Through Your Anger: Self-Work Activity
Gaining the courage to look through the memories and feelings we try to suppress is not a small achievement. Most likely it will be a long and difficult journey, but it will also help you heal from your anger. We recommend doing this activity at home, as it may bring up a lot of difficult emotions that you need time and a safe space to work through.
The activity we are going to recommend is journalling. Journalling is a great way to let out your emotions in a space that is non-judgemental, private, and reflective. It doesn't have to be on paper, it can also be on a digital device - wherever you feel most comfortable. When journalling, prompts can make it easier to know what to focus on and to guide you through your work.
Here are some prompts you can use in your journaling:
What made me angry today? Start surface level and explain the situation, person, noise, smell - whatever it was that made you angry, explain it as best you can.
Why did it make me angry? You don’t need to go too deep, write whatever comes to mind. Maybe it reminded you of something that happened previously or it conflicted with one of your values.
What did that remind me of? Looking at your two previous answers, does it bring anything to mind? Something that happened years ago, maybe in your childhood. You might not think that event had a great impact on your life, but if it was brought up then write it down.
How did that past event make me feel? Sometimes it can be difficult to pinpoint an emotion past “anger”. In these cases, an emotion wheel can be extremely useful. Below is an emotion wheel that you can use to explore what you’re feeling. Write as many down as you feel necessary.
What would I change/How should that have gone? Reflecting on that past event, what would have made you feel positive? What would the ideal outcome have been? How would people have acted? What would they have said? What would you have said? These are all potential things to answer.
We recommend coming back to your journal entries to re-read them or read them out loud after a day or two as a way to reflect on everything you’ve written. This is an exercise that should be done whenever necessary, but can also be done everyday. It’s a great way to increase self-awareness, and with practice, you may find that you can complete prompts 1-3 in your mind as the angry emotion arises.
Conclusion: Anger Makes Us Human
To feel emotion is to feel human, anger is no exception. But in order to be functional, healthy humans we must address our anger and where it comes from. It can be difficult to be vulnerable with other humans, so we recommend learning to be vulnerable with yourself first.
