5 Conflict Resolution Skills You Need for Work
Photo by Chris Sabor on Unsplash
No one enjoys working in a work environment that is constantly tense and has a lack of communication. A study by Sharma and Parashar found that unresolved conflict in the workplace can have many negative effects including higher absenteeism and higher turnover. That’s why understanding and practicing conflict resolution skills are critical to a healthy work culture.
That way when Steve fights with everyone about who stole his lunch out of the fridge (it’s Rachel. It’s always Rachel), someone can talk it out between them and the whole office can return to peace and quiet. Let’s first start with what exactly having conflict resolution skills allows you to do.
Why is having conflict resolution skills important?
Conflict resolution skills enable people to resolve conflicts constructively. Having the ability to manage conflicts effectively can help people to avoid and prevent potential problems in their relationships and work environments. Conflict resolution skills can also help to foster better communication and understanding, as well as promote cooperation between those involved.
So not only are we telling Rachel not to take Steve’s lunch, but we’re also trying to understand why she’s doing it and allowing them to air their feelings in the situation. Perhaps Rachel is just too tired to prepare her own or is struggling in some other way - by getting to the root of the issue we can help Rachel and Steve.
Of course, the lunch issue is a 2 person conflict - what happens when the conflict and tension spans across an entire team? That’s going to require some serious skill. Don’t worry, we got you. We’re going to go through 5 skills needed for conflict resolution so that you can practice them.
5 key skills for effective conflict resolution
Empathy - Empathy is the number one sought-after quality in leadership. Empathy is the ability to understand, relate to, and share the feelings of those around you. It means you are able to put yourself in the shoes of the other person and help them feel seen and heard. This is crucial because if they feel judged or don’t feel understood, they will shut down and the conflict will not be resolved fully. If you immediately blame Rachel and tell her she’s a bad person, you won't find out why she’s taking Steve’s lunch and the problem will never truly be solved.
Emotion Management - it’s easy when we are feeling tension with someone else or have differing opinions that we get passionate - this can look like anger or frustration or even tears. Emotional management allows you to recognize and manage these emotions so that you don’t lash out at someone and damage your relationship. Raising your voice is not going to help resolve a conflict, it’s only going to make everyone else not like you.
Active Listening - Active Listening is the ability to be present and engaged with who you are speaking to. Listening without distraction and properly understanding what they’ve said. If you’re thinking of your response whilst they are talking… you’re not actively listening.
Owning your language - It’s easy during a conflict to throw around “You did’s” and “You said’s” that project blame and create a fact from what is actually your own personal experience. Own your language and use “I’s”, “me’s” and “my’s” and you’ll find people are less likely to feel offended and more likely to share their side of the story.
Curiosity - When a disagreement occurs, choose curiosity rather than standing firm in your opinion. Understand the root of why they’re feeling that way and you might find some common ground or come to an understanding. By thinking it out and working through all the “what if’s” and “why’s” you may come to a logical conclusion and avoid the conflict.
Put to the Test
So, Steve goes to the fridge to get his lunch for his lunch break, but of course, it’s gone. Everyone turns and they’re watching - this happens at least once a week.
Everyone knows it’s Rachel, but no one’s bothered to ask why she does it. Steve’s had enough and everyone can see it. Now’s your chance. You pull Steve and Rachel aside into a meeting room and sit them down. You tell Steve you understand he is frustrated by what has been happening and you’d like to get to the bottom of it.
You gently tell Rachel that you know she’s been doing it but you make sure to not use an accusatory or aggressive tone. More importantly, you ask her why she’s been doing it and what you can do so that it doesn’t happen in the future. Turns out, Rachel had no idea.
Steve and Rachel had the exact same Tupperware and because Rachel’s partner packs her lunch she doesn’t know what’s in there and has never thought to question it. They’re both completely shocked and Rachel apologizes profusely. They conclude that Tupperware needs to be labeled and Rachel offers to buy Steve lunch for the day. Sure, it won’t make up all the past lunches that she accidentally ate, but it’s a new start. fast forward a couple of weeks and now it’s an inside joke that they can laugh about.
This a very simple example of conflict resolution, but it details some important steps. This conflict could’ve escalated and left a lasting disdain between the two parties had they not sat down and talked it out. Instead, they are closer for it and Steve is now able to eat his lunch in peace.
