How to Handle Problem Employees Empathetically
Photo by Yan Krukau on Pexels
Are you struggling with a problem employee? Maybe they don’t do their job, make a lot of mistakes, or cause consistent drama and conflict around the office - whatever it is, they’re disrupting your team’s work flow and eroding relationships. It can be difficult to handle such employees in an empathetic way, as people tend to make assumptions about why they’re acting the way that they are. I encourage you to toss aside any assumptions you’ve made before proceeding with this article so you can approach them in the most level-heading, empathetic manner.
Determining the problem
Here are a few questions you need to ask yourself:
How are they behaving and who/what is this behaviour affecting?
Is this a recent change or have they always acted like that?
Does the behavior change follow after any life events or organizational changes you are aware of?
What are some possibilities for them to be acting this way?
Speaking to them will tell you a lot more - are they open to feedback and wanting to change or do they have a feedback-adverse personality such as an easily bruised ego?
Approach the situation and conversation without any expectations and assumptions - this lowers the chance of confirmation bias. If you think they’re arrogant, you may be more likely to approach them in a defensive or passive-aggressive manner which would affect how they respond to you.
Be aware of your emotions, your body language, and tone during the conversation. Do your best to remain empathetic, listen without judgment, and reflect back on what they said to ensure you understood it.
Here are a few questions you can consider including during this conversation:
Has anything changed in your personal life recently that could be affecting your work?
Are you needing support with anything work-related? (procedures, technical skills, workload, etc.)
Is there anyone on the team you struggle to collaborate with? Why do you feel this way?
How are you feeling in terms of stress levels and mental wellbeing?
Do you feel like you’re meaningfully contributing with your job and have a purpose?
Note that how openly they answer these questions is going to be a sign of trust between you both. The first question, for example, may illicit a confirmation with no other details unless you ask further questions, or they may be willing to openly share with you. They may also not feel comfortable talking about personal things in too much unnecessary detail and that’s a boundary that you need to respect.
Moving towards change
Once you have a better idea of what’s going on, consider:
Do they need support that you can provide?
Is this just a moment in their life that’s stressful and they need some time?
Do they not have a team-friendly personality?
Are they bad at communicating?
As a leader, it’s your responsibility to do your utmost to lead people and help them grow. This means offering them training or growth in whatever ways you can. There are books, courses, workshops, videos, and consultants that can help improve a wide range of skills including communication, teamwork and empathy. You can offer them all the resources you’ve got (since hopefully you’ve been working on some of this yourself) and monitor if they are showing signs of improvement. Check-in with them on a regular basis for feedback.
Alternatively, if they’re just going through a rough period, they may just need some time. Help them balance their workload if needed, and communicate to them your expectations. Remember that it can be difficult to work normally whilst we are experiencing things such as grief, loss, sadness, or immense stress.
A horse that won't drink
You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink. The same is true of people who, for a litany of reasons, just don’t want to improve themselves given ample opportunity. It happens, and it’s a harsh reality of leadership that sometimes people just don’t work well in teams and they just don’t want to work well.
There comes a point where unfortunately this person will do more harm than good to your team’s productivity and job satisfaction. If they see that person not doing their job effectively or treating others like also-rans, they’re going to build resentment for their leaders for not doing anything. I know that finding and training replacements is a costly endeavor, but let me tell you from experience that if you keep someone who is clearly not a cultural fit on your team, you risk driving your star employees out.
Obviously, someone who is going through a stressful period should be an exception, and someone who has been hard-working and part of the team should be given as much grace and support as one can manage. If they are still struggling after a long period of time, I suggest offering resources such as counselling or therapy if your company is able to provide it.
Conclusion: The importance of cultural fit
As leaders, we are often put under a lot of pressure to find employees who are good at delivering work and focus on work-related skills whilst hiring. That’s great and all, but the reality is someone who is less experienced technically but highly proficient in communication skills like empathy and conflict resolution is going to be a much better investment in the long run than someone who has tons and tons of experience but lacks emotional intelligence. If your problem employee turns out to be the latter, then you need to focus on hiring for cultural fit going forward.
